but what exactly does that mean?
I want to be beautiful
And make you stand in awe
Look inside my heart
And be amazed
I want to hear you say
Who I am is quite enough
I just want to be worthy of love
And beautiful
~Bethany Dillon, “Beautiful”
“But no matter how much I asserted my strength and independence as a woman,
My heart as a woman remained empty…
I didn’t want to be a man.
What does it mean to be a woman?”
~Stasi Eldredge
“I feel like a household appliance”
“The church has not been a big help here. The church has been part of the problem. Its message to women has been primarily ‘you are here to serve…in the nursery, in the kitchen, on committees, in your home, in your community.’
Think about women you meet at church. They’re trying to live up to some kind of model of femininity….you’d have to conclude that a godly woman is…tired.
And guilty.
We’re all living in the shadow of that infamous icon, ‘The Proverbs 31 Woman,’ whose life is so busy I wonder, when does she have time for friendships, for taking walks, or reading good books? Her light never goes out at night? When does she have sex? Somehow she has sanctified the shame most women live under, biblical proof that yet again we don’t measure up.”
~Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman’s Soul
I have struggled with my femininity for a long time. My husband and I often joke that I am a man trapped in a woman’s body! Sounds sick, but it mainly comes from our experiences in the church and then in both American and Italian society. Every once in awhile I get a chance to truly use my gifts and express myself and that is very freeing. Then something or (more often) someone brings me smashing back to reality and I am reminded to stay inside my “woman box.”
I know not all of you come from a church background, but I think we can all identify at least somewhat with the idea of being trapped in the womanly stereotypes – whatever end of the spectrum they fall into.
The feminist movement in all its many facets has done a great deal for us. But in some ways it has created more of the same problems it was fighting against. Now instead of just one house matronly mold to fit into, we have a few choices, but only a few. In fact, for some feminists, there is still only one, the direct opposite of what we were before.
I was recently talking with my beautiful sister about this. Many of her ideas would be considered quite “feminist,” but she herself struggles with those that look down on her because she has chosen to be a stay at home mom. How dare she decide to stay at home when women have fought for years to gain the right to leave the house!! But wasn’t the point to gain the right to leave the house? I thought it was about having more choices, not changing the one option.
I love many things about being a woman. I love dressing up and feeling beautiful. I love my part in the sexual relationship. I love chatting and hanging out and caring and nurturing. I even think maybe, just maybe, I will enjoy being the carrier of our children. But I HATE that my gifts seem to go unused on a regular basis. I have the gift of organization and administration. Basically, I know how to tell people what to do to get things done. And I can usually come up with a dozen ways to make things run more smoothly and efficiently.
My struggle is that I don’t seem to fit any mold. I am not happy just staying at home; hate housework, am bad at cooking and will go crazy if not allowed to leave at least once a day. But I don’t really like the usual options for work either. I’m not career driven in the sense that I will do whatever it takes to get ahead and make more money. No, I just want to be fulfilled. Isn’t that what we all want deep down? Whether we find fulfillment in or outside the home, that’s all we are looking for. Unfortunately, I haven’t really found it in either place!
So where does that leave me?